So after about 4 months of being a non-smoker, a few weeks ago, I picked up a pack of good old Marlborough Lights and made a conscious decision to light up. Its not that I felt an overwhelming urge to suck on nicotine it’s just that I deliberately wanted to smoke. Self diagnosis suggests this to be a mild case of self-destruction. I think there’s something innately appealing in (mild) self-destruction, its one of those things. It’s like drinking one-too-many or staying in a barren relationship or doing drugs or sunbathing or skipping meals or smoking even, you know its bad for you but it sure feels good sometimes.